Brothers and Sisters

For some reason I decided to watch the finale of "Brothers and Sisters" I knew how it was going to end but up until this night I had yet to go through the journey of how theses characters got to that ending.

Sooooooo much was packed into this episode from a former addict learning to love and trust his partner to a man finding out he is HIV positive to a grown child dealing with the a mother who spends more time telling others how to live that she hardly spends time on her own. (To the death of Rob Lowes career)(I mean did he not learn anything from leaving West Wing and headlined his own drama that lasted three episodes)

Uhg, needless to say I was crying in the end, this family drama resonated for me because I'm spending quality time with my family. I've been here for two weeks. That's about the amount of time, if you put my one day visits together from the past 20 years that I've spent here over all.

I realized that I've always felt alone in life even surrounded by family and friends. Very rarely did I ever feel understood or genuinely cared for, but I know for certain that I am loved and cared for and an apple right next to the family tree! Now the way in which this love is displayed I can see now reflex how my family was taught to show love and growing up in the mid 1900's for a black family on the North/South border I dont think that learning how to show some one love was a high priority when you got to fight to get what you can get and bite your tongue so you don't end up in jail and do your chores so you don't have to go out back to find a switch on the tree.

Finding a switch on the tree out back> This was love> God said don't spare the rod!

Having parents who teach you the right way to live by always letting you know when your doing the wrong thing.

But we knew and my elders knew that our family would be there to fight who ever messed with us, to stick up for us, and pick us up when we were down. But they would let us know we got learn to stick up for ourselves and take care of ourselves.

Tough Love.

I get it, but sometimes, I need a love that isn't so tough, sometimes I need sensitivity and understanding, sometimes I need support for the things I've done right instead of constantly being reminded of what's wrong in my life. '

I must admit I've shut my family out most of my life. And though I still believe it was the only way for me to not have killed myself as a child (not for lack of trying) With out my family I would be lost, I couldn't possible understand who I am, and how to get to the positive side of my journey.
Their door is always open!

And though that tree in the back is gone, no one in this family is too old to be put across a knee.

I can see where I get most of my traits, and I understand a bit better who I am from where I come from.